Liam Neeson – Baltimore Magazine

‘Love Actually’ Storylines, Ranked

Max Weiss — Tue, 03 Dec 2024 16:39:57 +0000

So I recently rewatched Love Actually in preparation for the BSO’s upcoming live accompaniment to the film and I’m afraid I came to the same conclusion I did when it first came out 21 years ago: It’s bad.

I’m sorry. I know this will upset its legion of fans who have improbably turned Richard Curtis’ twee bit of fluff into an enduring Christmas classic. I can acknowledge it’s not without some merit. Merely juggling all those storylines takes a certain amount of skill. And the acting elevates the material to something almost bearable. When it first came out, I thought it was facile, slick, and shallow. Now I can add maddeningly retrograde to the mix.

It’s remarkable the kind of casual sexism that went unchecked in films that came out in the 21st century. But as is the case with any anthology-style film, some of the storylines are better than others—and a few are nearly…good?

What follows is my official ranking of the Love Actually storylines, from worst to best. This ranking is final and binding. I will accept no phonecalls at this time.

9. That One Guy Who Goes to America
I don’t need to tell you this is the worst storyline. You already know it. I think most people have memory-holed this storyline out of the film. In it, an extremely annoying guy (Kris Marshall) can’t get a girl in England so he tells a friend he simply needs to go to The States where there are hot women everywhere who will love his British accent. His friend tells him this is a terrible idea but he goes any way—and the joke is, he’s right.

When he arrives at a bar in Wisconsin, he’s immediately set upon by a group of beauties (including a young January Jones!) who invite him back to their apartment where—oops—they all sleep naked. Ha, ha, it’s like a porn film fantasy, but it’s real! He triumphantly arrives back in London with a beauty on his arm and—wait for it—he even brought a spare girl for his friend. It’s not outrageously sexist because it’s just a joke! Lighten up, ladies!

8. That Other Guy Who’s in Love With His Friend’s Wife
This might be controversial, as the moment where Mark (Andrew Lincoln) professes his love for Juliet (Keira Knightley) via cue card while her husband and his (alleged) best friend (Chiwetol Ejiofor) sits obliviously upstairs is one of the more iconic scenes in the film. But why? What is cute about that? Falling in love with your best friend’s wife sucks, but why did he need to tell her? (She already figured it out when she saw that he had filmed the wedding like some creepy stalker, with the camera trained exclusively on her.) And why make her a party in his deception? Not only does she lie and say there are carol singers at the door, she runs after Mark and rewards him with a little kiss. This man should not be rewarded for his disloyal, selfish behavior! He’s a bad person!

7. The Step Dad and Cute Kid Who Bond Over the Mystery of Girls
This one feels like a missed opportunity. A stepfather getting closer to his stepson after the death of the child’s mother? Get me a ream of tissues. But all poignancy is immediately wrenched from the scenario when we find out the kid (wee little Thomas Sangster, cute as a button) is not extra sad because his mother died, but because he’s in love with an American girl at school (again, with the American girls? It’s becoming a fetish) who doesn’t know he exists. Stepfather (Liam Neeson) and son bond over how to get the girl—it involves learning to play the drums and then ducking security to chase her through Heathrow, a crime that would probably get him 15 to life in the real world. The moral of the story? If you’re really, really persistent, the girl will come around. Bad moral, Richard Curtis!

6. Laura Linney Lusts After a Hot Co-Worker (Improbably Named Karl)
The best part of this is the little happy dance Laura Linney does right before she thinks she’s about to have sex with her colleague, Karl (Rodrigo Santoro). Also, Karl is stupid hot, despite his name. The worst part is when her boss (Alan Rickman) kind of orders her to hit on Karl. Paging HR!

5. Colin Firth’s Love Language
There are better examples of Colin Firth finding love on film (usually as some iteration of Mr. Darcy), but this little trifle will do. Firth plays a writer who finds out this his girlfriend is cheating on him with his brother (an unnecessarily sadistic touch) and takes refuge at a countryside cottage in France. There he falls for the stern, no-nonsense Portuguese housekeeper (Lúcia Moniz), and they are able to communicate without a mutual language. The final scene at the restaurant where he fumblingly proposes to her is cute, but no self-respecting director would film a scene where a couple kisses and onlookers cheer. Manipulation at its finest. (Love Actually does this twice.)

4. Prime Minister in Love
Much as Laura Linney saves her minor storyline with her little happy sex dance, Hugh Grant’s goofy dance throughout the halls of 10 Downing Street to The Pointer Sister’s “Jump (For My Love)” is this sections’ selling point. But this is one of those retrograde bits. So let me get this straight…he crushes on a staffer, leaves her alone with a smug and handsy U.S. President (Billy Bob Thornton) who hits on her, and then has her fired? And then he chases her around London—not to apologize but to profess his love? She should’ve told him to get stuffed. Instead, she apologizes.

3. The No Good, Very Bad Cheating Husband
Emma Thompson softly crying to Joni Mitchell’s “Both Sides Now” when she finds out that her husband (Alan Rickman) is cheating on her might be the single most poignant moment in this entire film. And that’s why this one is ranked so high. But one thing that shocked me was the full-on evil temptress in Alan Rickman’s office. She was in pure homewrecker mode—a character that only exists to lure our hapless husband into her bed. When I talk about the film’s no-longer-acceptable misogyny, this “character” is who I’m talking about. (This section also features Rowan Atkinson as a maddeningly punctilious jewelry salesman, because of course it does. I believe it’s in his contract to be in all British ensemble comedies.)

2. The X-Rated Meet Cute
This one is essentially a one-joke gag, extended throughout the course of the movie—but it’s a good gag. A mild-mannered man (Martin Freeman) and woman (Joanna Page) are serving as “stand-ins” for a film that apparently features a whole lot of sex. With all the romance of doing their taxes, they pantomime various sex acts and fondle each other’s naughty bits, as the Brits would say. Along the way, this decorous duo falls in love.

1. Aging Rock Star Has One Last Hurrah
The funny thing about this segment is it’s almost a meta commentary on the film itself. Aging rockstar Billy Mack (Bill Nighy) puts out an ersatz, treacly version of his song, “Love is All Around,” changing the lyrics to “Christmas is All Around.” He knows it’s shit and grumbles and grouses his way through the press tour. Somehow, Mack’s candor about the cheap money grub of the song works. It becomes the number one Christmas single, which is apparently a big deal in England. (Bless their hearts.) And this is a case where the film strives for poignancy—and achieves it!—when Billy Mack realizes that the “love of his life” is actually his long-suffering manager, Joe (Gregor Fisher), with whom he actually wants to spend Christmas with. Okay, I cried.

To hear more of my thoughts on Love Actually, tune into WYPR’s Midday With Tom Hall on Monday, December 9 at noon.

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Movie Review: Widows

Max Weiss — Thu, 15 Nov 2018 14:16:00 +0000

There is something gloriously liberating about Steve McQueen’s Widows. It seems divorced from the political sensitivities of the day, in all the best ways. The female characters at the center of the film are both smart and dumb, strong and weak, supportive and self-serving—often at the same time. The politicians and gang leaders are all equally corrupt. The violence is shocking, cold-blooded, and defiantly funny.

None of this would work, or at least might seem exploitative, in the hands of a lesser director, but McQueen is a master: He grabs hold of you from the first frame and never lets go.

The opening sequence is a jolt of pure cinema. There, we meet most of the main players in a shocking parallel sequence. First, we see various forms of domesticity—Veronica (Viola Davis) lounging on Egyptian cotton sheets in post-coital bliss with her husband, Harry (Liam Neeson); Linda (Michelle Rodriguez) exchanging exasperated, if playful, banter with her thieving husband; Alice (Elizabeth Debicki) sitting at the kitchen table with her abusive husband and giving him a forgiving kiss; Amanda (Carrie Coon) tending to an infant baby as her husband rushes out the door. All of these scenes are intercut with a heist, being led by Harry, gone horribly wrong—police chases, gunfire, and, finally, a deadly explosion. We reflect on the film’s title and immediately know what it all means.

From there, we meet some of the other main players in this twisty saga: Irish politician Jack Mulligan (Colin Farrell) who hails from a long line of Chicago pols who have nominally served their community while lavishly lining their pockets. He somewhat petulantly doesn’t want to carry on the family tradition—he fancies himself as more refined than his retiring alderman father Tom (Robert Duvall)—but both his grasping wife and the bullying Tom won’t have it. Jack is running against a gang leader who wants to go “straight,” Jamal Manning (Brian Tyree Henry). At Jamal’s side is his terrifying brother, Jatemme (Daniel Kaluuya), who could kill you with an icy stare (and, uh, lots of other things).

Shortly after Harry’s funeral, Jamal shows up at Veronica’s chic condo, demanding the $2 million dollars Harry stole from him and lost in the blast. (He also picks up and strokes Veronica’s West Highland white terrier in a very threatening way—McQueen is not above putting the adorable pooch in peril.) Veronica doesn’t have that kind of cash, but she does have something Harry left behind for her: Very specific plans for his next heist, which should yield $5 million. Veronica could sell the plans to Jamal, but she has another idea: She’s going to assemble the “widows” into a team and they’re going to pull off the heist on their own.

Here’s the thing about Veronica: This is not some moment of “you go, girl!” solidarity. The proposal she makes to Alice and Linda (Amanda is a no-show) is both an opportunity and a threat. If they don’t agree to help her, she could share their identities with Jamal. But neither really hesitates. For Linda, it’s a chance to prove to herself—and her children—that “I didn’t just sit there and take it, I did something,” as she puts it. For the gorgeous Alice it’s a chance to break the cycle of powerful men who have exploited and abused her. Later, they are joined by the scrappy and endlessly resourceful Belle (Cynthia Erivo), a hard worker who will do anything to provide for her daughter.

All the actresses here do amazing work, but Davis and Debicki are standouts. Davis doesn’t try to be likeable. Yes, she shows that Veronica is afraid, she’s vulnerable. But she’s also tough, impatient, and imperious. (And damn does she look good swathed in a series of black and white cashmere blazers.) As for Debicki, it’s wonderful to watch her Alice come into her own—the proud gleam in her eye after she manages to charm a woman into buying her glocks at a gun show is adorable. She’s learning that she’s self-sufficient and capable and worthy—and she likes it.

On top of being one hell of an action thriller, Widows is the kind of feminist film I’ve been craving. All the women in the film are standing up to an oppressive patriarchy, by whatever means necessary. I don’t need my female characters be pure saints or sinners. It’s best when they’re a little bit of both.

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Non-Stop

Max Weiss — Fri, 28 Feb 2014 11:30:00 +0000

In a way, Liam Neeson has done the “reverse McConaughey” in
that he went from being a semi serious dramatic actor to a genre star
(in this case, action). His trajectory is doubly remarkable when you
consider that the guy is 61 years old.

It’s funny because, since
the glory days of Stallone, Willis, and Schwarzenegger, the movies been
searching for the new go-to action hero. Various young men have been
trotted out—Ryan Reynolds, Chris Pine, Chris Evans—none quite sticking.
So Neeson’s success is a bit like a Viagra ad: You want something done,
ask an old guy to do it.

And why not? Liam Neeson is a commanding
physical presence, with a deep voice, and—helpful!—actual acting chops. I
still prefer the “sensitive Liam” of Husbands and Wives and Love Actually, but that’s just a personal preference.

In Non-Stop—which I have also dubbed Lady Mary on a Plane—
Neeson plays a variation on his new persona—basically a badass who is
also a good guy. Here, he’s Air Marshal Bill Marks who’s on a flight to
Norway when he receives an anonymous text message: Put $130 million into
a bank account or one person on the plane will die every 20 minutes.
(Although there’s a lot of text messaging in this film—and even a few
autofills!—there are no hilarious autocorrect snafus, a la “One person
on this plane will diet every 20 minutes”—alas).

Marks
has to figure out who the texts are coming from and try to stop them.
Then there’s a minor twist: That account number the bad guy left? It’s
in Marks’ name. Ground control thinks he’s the hijacker. The pilot and
co-pilot and various flight attendants—including yes, Michelle Dockery
(aka Lady Mary) and Lupita Nyong’o (pre-12 Years a Slave fame
so mostly as eye candy here)—aren’t sure. Everyone’s a suspect,
including Julianne Moore as an overly game, slightly tipsy passenger who
takes a shining to Marks and Corey Stoll (of House of Cards) as a bellicose New York cop on the flight.

I
absolutely loved the ingenious way the first passenger died (of course,
I won’t give it away here) and the film kept me guessing all the way
through. Unfortunately, when the big reveal comes it’s so far-fetched,
you’d have to suspend your belief way past cruising altitude to buy it.

Airplane movies are a risky proposition because you’re trapped in the sky with no escape. In the case of Non-Stop, that’s mostly a good thing.

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