File This Under: Trades That Will Never Happen
Look, if we had our druthers, Manny Machado would stay an Oriole for life. But if the Orioles truly can’t afford to sign him—or, if they do sign him, it’ll completely break bank—they should consider trading him for a bunch of high quality prospects. A team like the Dodgers, who have a loaded farm system, would be ideal.
You know where the Orioles should definitely, never, under no circumstances trade him? To the freaking Boston Red Sox. And yet, that is exactly a trade that Buster Olney—who used to write for The Sun, I might add—suggested on SportsCenter. Yes, it’s true. The Red Sox are in need of a third baseman. It’s also true that the Sox are in contention and the Orioles . . . less so. (Although, after that four-game sweep of the Rangers, we are feeling ourselves.)
But you don’t trade one of the best players in baseball to a division rival? And especially not the Red Sox, with whom Machado has a fair amount of (justifiable) bad blood. No, nope, never, nada. And don’t you get any bright ideas, either, Yankees.
Speaking of Manny . . .
You gotta love this guy. As you might know, due to what has thus far been subpar offensive season, Machado was not an All Star this season. A one-year glitch, we’re sure. But he did attend the All-Star Game to cheer on his boy Jonathan Schoop and other friends in the game. His assessment: “Yeah, it’s a little boring to watch it…I don’t know how people go out there an watch games. Now I know why sometimes people don’t come to games.” You’re not supposed to say that out loud, dude.
Phelps vs. Shark: It is On!
The moment we’ve all been waiting for—Phelpnado, you might call it—“starts” this Sunday, July 23 on the Discovery Channel. We put “starts” in quotes, because that’s their word, not ours. Not sure how long you can stretch out a race between a swimmer and a fish, but I guess we’re about to find out. Meanwhile, we’ve done a little research. The Great White Shark can go up to 35 miles per hour. Phelps, at his fastest, can go only 6 miles per hour. Umm, that seems bad for Phelps.
From what we’ve learned, Phelps was equipped with a special shark-like fin to make his time faster. Okay, that should do the trick. Anyway, we’re not totally sure if Phelps and the shark are actually swimming side-by-side or if they’re in two separate bodies of water (which would be laaaaame). The good news? We saw Phelps on Fallon last night and he looked healthy and happy and definitely had all his limbs, so no matter what happened, Phelps emerged intact. Tune in.
We’re Loving These New Under Armour Commercials
Homegrown sports apparel behemoth Under Armour has launched a new ad campaign targeting women called “Unlike Any,” starring ballerina Misty Copeland, stuntwoman Jessie Graff, and world champion sprinter Natasha Hastings, among others, and featuring poems recited by their authors.
The first one, “For Misty” features Copeland in a stark, concrete arena, warming up and slowly dancing, as poet Saul Williams entrancingly reads an accompanying poem. Notably, there is no music.
The second one, “For Natasha” features poet Dominique Christina as Hastings begins running alone on a sandy stretch of land; “For Jessie” is set to a poem written by Kojey Radical, and shows Graff doing a lot of “Do Not Try This At Home” stuff like hanging from rafters and flipping through the air.
All the commercials emphasize determination, solitude, grace, and female power. We approve.
Apparently We’re Not the Only Ones Geeked About Game of Thrones.
The Ravens and the Orioles are, too. Both teams posted a Westeros-themed video to their social media accounts in anticipation of last Sunday’s Game of Thrones premiere. In the Orioles case, they offered a Game of Thrones ticket package that included a pre-game bullpen party, a photo op with the iron throne (shouldn’t that be Iron Man Throne?), and tee-shirt featuring the Watcher of the Wall. John Stark? Hell no, this is Birdland. Adam Jones!
The Ravens posted the fun video featured below.