Hey, Hon!

We asked some past winners of Baltimore’s Best Hon for their expert tips.

Kaitlyn Pacheco - June 2019

Hey, Hon!

We asked some past winners of Baltimore’s Best Hon for their expert tips.

Kaitlyn Pacheco - June 2019


It may seem easy to don a feather boa and recite phrases like “downy ocean” in Bawlmerese, but the annual Baltimore’s Best Hon contest proves that there’s more to being a true-blue Hon than meets the eye. Ahead of this year’s Baltimore Honfest on June 8-9, we consulted past contestants Bonnie Hockstein, Megan Brockway, and Amber Nelson for tips on what it takes to become “the sequins in Charm City’s crown.”


—Illustration by Danielle Dernoga

ACCENT

Hons speak Bawlmerese, so it’s all about those Os ya nao. By the way, ya don’t hafta be from Baltimore, but ya better not be from Pittsburgh, hon.

HISTORY

Hons were working-class women from the 1940-60s who were sources of old-fashioned common sense in a complicated world. Hons held down a job, cleaned, and always looked gorgeous doin’ it. Don’t let their kindness be mistaken for weakness.

STYLE

Accessories are important—they’re a Hon’s best shot at get- ting noticed when they go out after workin’ hard all week. Hons know that true beauty is on the inside and the outside is just makeup, jewelry, animal prints, lotsa color, and spandex.


TALENT

Hons believe that God gave all of us a special talent, and it’s our job to figure out what it is and use it to make the world a better place.

Past talents from finalists include scrub- bing a fake set of marble steps while reciting Edgar Allan Poe’s “The Raven,” blowing the biggest bubble gum bub- ble, and playing “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” on a xylophone made out of Natty Boh bottles.


HAIR

The higher the hair, the closer to heaven. And we’re serious, hon.

Psst: The judges give extra points for a “wash and set” hairdo because it’s full of hope and hairspray.





You May Also Like


MaxSpace

Movie Review: Ready or Not

Gory comedy-horror is destined to be a cult classic.

Best of Baltimore

Best of Baltimore 2019

Our annual roundup of the tops in dining, arts, service, media, and more.

Arts & Culture

Culture Club

For 15 years, Henry Wong and An die Musik have been quietly making music history in Mt. Vernon.


Arts & Culture

Sarah Pinsker Talks Themes of Technology and Identity in Debut Novel

Pinsker's "A Song for a New Day" imagines a Baltimore where public gatherings are outlawed.

MaxSpace

Movie Review: Brittany Runs a Marathon

You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll buy a pair of running shoes.

Arts & Culture

Telling the Whole Story

Museums and historic homes enrich the present by grappling with their own difficult pasts.

Connect With Us

Most Read


Male/Female Statue: Should It Stay or Go in Penn Station Overhaul?: The future of the long-controversial 52-foot sculpture could be in question with train station redesign.

History of Baltimore's Bygone Synagogues Captured in New Plein Air Art Exhibit: Collection of oil paintings on view at Baltimore Hebrew Congregation through October 28.

New Club Brings Together Baltimoreans With Shared Dining Interests: As it develops, the Baltimore Supper Club hopes to bridge neighborhood gaps.

The Helmand Owners Look Back on 30 Years in Mt. Vernon: Qayum and Pat Karzai reminisce about their beloved Afghani restaurant.

The Mare Projects Connects Communities in the African Diaspora: Works from their first-ever residency program will be on display at Gallery CA.